Someone Gone

August 2nd, 2015.

Today is the day she was born, for how long ago I don't remember. I don't remember when she came into this world or when she left. At times, the fact that I don't remember makes me feel so guilty because I don't know if the reason is I never really cared about her.

She loved me. She had always been loving me. She didn't like to say it out loud, but everything she did for me shows that she loved me a little bit too much than she should. She gave me so much and she continues to give now even when she's gone. If not for her, I wouldn't be where I am right now. I could be in some restaurant run by a capitalist, waiting on tables and wiping them clean. She gives so much, that everytime I get sad recalling her, I'm afraid that's because I selfishly don't want her to leave me alone.

It's hard not to be a theist upon recalling her. I find myself wanting to believe that she's somewhere else than deep down the ground. I want to believe that she had to leave because leaving would take her somewhere she wouldn't be hurt anymore. I want to believe that if I pray, she'll be able to hear.

More than everything, I want to believe that I'll see her again someday when my time comes.